While exercising one day, I binged watched an hour of TED talks. Some were interesting, some were funny, and many were relatable.  I was intrigued by the TED talk by Suleika Jaouad, titled, “What almost dying taught me about living.”  I am so fascinated by people who come so close to death and get a second chance. I feel, for some reason, these people are the wisest humans on the planet and for sure know how to live life the right way.

I am always looking to others and how they approach life and the day to day chaos, considering my life is far from perfect.  I had an appreciation for her experience and her brutal honesty.  You don’t often find that kind of openness in a day where people dress up their Facebook pages and Instagram posts.  Heck, there are apps to help enhance your photos, creating a smaller waistline and bigger boobs for you.  It is amazingly touching to see or hear someone be so vulnerable and open.

Suleika said a lot of things that I just can’t seem to forget.  I was most impressed that she allowed her audience to compare her near-death experience with any trauma (physical, mental, etc.) that gets in the way of life’s happiness. This was essential because we all know life’s everyday problems cannot remotely be compared to fighting cancer.  She allowed me to relate without feeling guilty that my issues are not as severe as her battle.

Suleika began her talk by saying cancer totally transformed her life. She said she knew who she was now and her purpose in life. She said she started her day drinking a big glass of celery juice followed by 90 minutes of yoga and ended her evenings by writing down 50 things she is most grateful for in her life. She said she would fold that list into an origami crane and sail it out her window. My eyes grew wide as she spoke. I had to know how to live such a beautiful, grateful life and I couldn’t wait for her to tell me her secret.

NOT SO FAST…

Then she said, ”Are you kidding me, did you actually believe I do all those things?” Now, I really couldn’t wait to hear all about her journey. She talked about her 4-year fight against cancer. She was a warrior, and everyone around her believed she was a hero. Suleika had “cancer friends” and had a ton of support and beat cancer! There were celebrations and a sense of great accomplishment. Life changed, but she struggled with her new normal. She made it clear of how blessed she was to survive cancer, but she was scared and uneasy about the path ahead of her. After all, she survived; she must be destined to live a fulfilling life. Suleika wondered how she’d pick up where she’d left off before the cancer diagnosis.  

Feeling sad, lost, and at times feeling like she could barely breathe. The cancer fight had provided so much clarity in her life. When the battle was over, the clarity was gone. She struggled with her “re-entry” and felt bad about feeling the way she did after she got her life back, and her close friend lost the fight. Suleika spoke of the relationships she built with strangers who had reached out to her during her battle and took a road trip to meet a few of them. She learned something from each one of them, but there was a common theme thread among all their stories. She told her audience that the road trip didn’t fully heal her, “but that is OK.”

That simple statement was the answer (for me). 

She said the divide between “sick” and “well” is very small, and we travel back and forth, spending most of our life between the two. We are in constant dissatisfaction trying to get to the perfect state. But, whatever trauma we suffer or interruption in life, we must live within that chaos and mess. In those times, we need to lean on the things that do bring us happiness (a simple walk outdoors will do). We continue to live and breathe and take in all the moments. We don’t stop living or just “go through the motions” until we are past the mess. If we did that, we would be “going through the motions” for half our lifetime, missing out on life. Suleika concludes her story by telling us the real hero is the one who can live and be alive in the in-between and in life’s chaos. 

*Sulieka’s philosophy reminded me of my favorite book, The Untethered Soul, written by Michael A. Singer. I read that book when I feel stuck to remind myself to keep living.